Irreversible choices

I grew up in a modest middle class Indian family. Mowgli, Arabian Nights, Sunday morning Ramayana, MS-DOS, Pac-man and Road rash, 1996 Cricket World Cup Semifinal, Sharjah Cup, DDLJ, Long queues in phone booths, Craze for getting hands on a computer with Windows95 OS and hardly 64MB RAM are fresh in my memory and shall remain so. I am from the generation that was in its infancy when India accepted trade liberalization. According to me, it not only facilitated exchange of goods and services but also played an important role in accelerating exchange of culture and ideas. This blog superficially discusses the irreversible and cascading nature of compromises that one makes.

In the mid-1990s, life was predominantly occupied by academics, cricket and close-knit friend circle. Relationships with everyone were agreeable. But, no sooner did we enter high school than the clashes of thoughts began. Not that they were major hassles but were strong indicators of the future divergence. Well, it shall definitely be attributed to youth – youth by nature is rebellious. Disproportionate focus on academics, lack of focus on practical application, narrow barometers for comparison, choosing safer option at every step, compromising passion for a livelihood were certain aspects that were prevalent under the pretext of being practical. Revulsion to such practicality must have provoked many of us to not compromise our lives, passion, and broad-mindedness as we entered the 21^st century.

As we entered colleges, many chose engineering over painting, medical over dancing, something over something and so on. Choice of an option was ironically; less influenced by interest and was more dependent on monetary returns that the option promised. Obvious reason cited for such an inane behavior was - painting, dancing and other non-academic activities can be practiced alongside. At a sub-conscious level, this compromise might have given birth to a desire of pursuing the forgone activity sometime in future. Soon the 3-5 years of graduation passed by. We enjoyed life, friends and college. But, hardly did anyone find time to pursue their core interests or search for one if they had not figured it out till now. Mind you – the desire in sub-conscious shall not die. It’ll only strengthen (an assumption).

Graduation complete – Where’s the money my son? JOB is the key. Again, what one is good at is less critical but which job pays more is of prime importance. Another compromise. Earning a few grand more becomes more important than pursuing one’s interest. The desire in the sub-conscious strengthens its presence. This compromise leads to more compromises. Innumerable compromises follow. All under similar pretexts – practically not viable, socially unacceptable, life is not so simple and so on. It’s nothing but a Domino effect. Do not let the 1^st domino fall – implies shy away from the 1^st compromise. Deep down everyone knows that one does not have enough courage to face the truth of one’s ugly compromises.

I apologize for such a simplistic approach but this is how I thought it can begin and can be worked upon. I have apparently restricted myself to professional choices. But non-professional choices can be plugged in equally well. Point that I wish to drive home is the fact that compromising today shall ask for more efforts tomorrow to undo the compromise and it’s highly likely that this greater effort will not come easily and you’ll find yourself compromising again soon. But the worst thing is that the sub-conscious (pardon the technical ignorance) will not let you go. It will not let you sleep. It knows if you have screwed. And consequentially, one fine day – when the road to go back does not exist, you will find yourself company in the form of a naïve question. “Sab to pa liya, ab hai kya kami?” – Swades.

Hence, if possible, Stop – Reflect – Confirm that you are doing what you wished to – If Yes, perfect – If no, change course as tomorrow it’ll be harder than today.

Connecting the dots?

In principle, is a life equivalent to connecting the dots? If yes, must it be a pattern that necessarily concludes and is comprehensible only when one dies? If not, can we understand a design in formation – a forward extrapolation of events or for that matter, can one appreciate occurrence of events in life since birth till the present moment? Had that been the case, planet Earth would not have witnessed lamenting of billions of human-beings because everyone would have an answer of why events are unfolding the way they are. Had forward extrapolation been possible at an individual scale, I assume there would definitely be a way of understanding the event patterns of various cities, states, countries, continents and mankind as a whole. And what kind of consequences that would lead to, I dare not write. Thus, forward extrapolation is definitely not happening.

And by the virtue of absence of forward extrapolation of dots and unknown of the future destiny, you cannot extrapolate backwards and reason out the events that happened. And if death marks a satisfactory end to a process of connecting the dots, then for whom are the dots being connected if the person himself is not available to appreciate the pattern. And not everyone has the luxury to ponder upon one’s life before the arrival of death – bomb blasts, accidents and natural disasters are among prominent examples that kill people in a blink of an eye.

Events happen. They have their respective probabilities. Some are calculable, many are not. Why is it mandatory for an event to accompany itself with a purpose? How does one come up with a plausible explanation for events such as diseases, rapes, murders, economic losses and wars! Are the protagonists comfortable with the idea of pitiful ending of numerous lives and accept those as the best patterns those individuals could have carved out in their life? Similar reasoning can be extended to positive outcomes. Let me put it this way. Assume that we have a chart of significant events (debatable in itself, but let’s not go deep into it at present) v/s time, of a random individual’s life. Now, just tweak a segment at your own will. Will it not be a complete different story and a total different mapping? To cite an example, my siblings left Kabootar Khana, Mumbai five minutes before the blasts. They are alive today.

If the concept of connecting the dots asserts that the end result is the same and given distortion will readjust itself along the new path, then this is too ambitious an assertion to make, as there is no way to verify the claim. Next, if all paths of an individual led to the same conclusion then what is in particular unique about the life that the person lived, compared to innumerable alternate lives that he could have lived? Nothing except for the journey! But what kind of journey is the journey that has its fate pre-decided and why was that journey specifically chosen. And the worst consequence of a convergent ending for divergent paths is the nullification of the concept of a free-will. It ends up being a delusion which constantly motivates an individual and develops an impression in his mind that he can alter the end that is looming.

All great men are great because of their efforts and other qualities that require commitment from them. And if one toils in the heat and endures the hardships that come along, naturally, the probability of a favorable event occurring in one’s life climbs significantly. One can control the input and try to maximize the probability of a favorable output, but can hardly ensure it. Bhagvad Gita 2.47 rightly says, “You have the right to action but no entitlement to its fruits. They may or may not come. And, this must not lead you to detachment from action.” Why waste time connecting the dots! Let’s do some worthwhile work.

Two most popular models: Science and Religion

Modeling is essentially an exercise that involves a few parameters and certain definite relations between these parameters. For a specific set of input parameters, a model generates a specific output. Model is intangible. It is non-existent. One cannot see a model. One cannot touch or smell a model. Modeling is a technique that one uses to explain real life happenings in an understandable way. It is employed with objectives of simplifying one’s life and increasing faith in one’s ability to understand the hitherto inexplicable events.

I believe Science and Religion are the two most popular models ever conceived. Both of them are an integral part of my life and have provided me with an invaluable guidance. Every one, at some point of time in one’s life would have been involved or at least, witnessed a debate pertaining to the better of the two: Science or Religion. I feel it’s unwise to compare Science and Religion. As I see, they are essentially, two distinct models having absolutely different objectives to attain. I shall summarize my understandings of Science and Religion in a tabular format. It will enable me to simultaneously compare both of them and reason out why they should not be confused as opponents of each other.

Science	Religion
Objective of Science is to engineer reason for everything that happens around us. Science aspires to map all the events in a causal relationship.	Objective of Religion is to guide human behavior in a way that fosters peace and harmony. It aspires to promote an effective way of living.
Neither does Science talk about loving your neighbor nor does Religion take an onus of explaining the events of nature. It probably makes a God for each event who takes care of its happenings.
Logic is the fuel of any scientific inquiry.	Faith is the fuel of any religious sermon.
You must not demand Logic in any religious sermon as it never claimed to be logical and you must not dare to take even a single step in any scientific inquiry on the basis of faith because Science does not keep its fingers crossed and await an outcome (Quantum Mechanics is a separate thing, it’s no guesswork as I know of it, I wish readers to appreciate the difference between guess and probability).
After experimentation, a scientist probably manages to find relations between various physical entities but needs to use his/her imagination to insert intangible entities for developing a model. To cite examples, Electric field, Magnetic Field, Gravitational Field are the most common. I know nobody who claims that he/she has seen/ heard/ touched one of the above mentioned fields. But, according to scientists they exist, they are there. It is an axiom, not to be questioned.	After experience, humans probably understood statistical outcomes of various human behaviors. They might have realized that desirable behaviors are contrary to basic human nature. Hence, they created intangible Gods, Heaven and Hell. These concepts fed upon human emotion of Fear and subordination/ reverence to higher authority (like a Circus Lion). No one has ever seen God/ Heaven/ Hell. But, according to Religion, they are there. It is an axiom, not to be questioned.
Intangible entities bring semblance to otherwise haphazard relationships among various physical entities. It reduces uncertainty in the occurrences of natural events. It helps humans to progress materialistically.	Intangible Gods bring semblance to otherwise random human behavior and guide them in a particular direction. It significantly reduces hostility among people and encourages them to lead a happier and peaceful life.

But, the growing acceptance of Science as a model and increasing reliance of human-beings on Science cannot be denied. Probably, it is one of the major reasons that fuel the debate of Science v/s Religion. An advantage with Science is that it continuously evolves and discards theories as soon as they are contradicted. Another major plus is that it is quantifiable. In an educated world, Science turns out to be an attractive model, as education inculcates a spirit of Logic. Religion is deprived of both the advantages. As far as I know, it neither updates itself nor is it quantifiable. The ideas of updating and quantifying a Religion seem absurd in the current setting of the world.

I think of opinions mentioned in the table as the essence of Science and Religion. And to an individual, both the aspects are equally important. Hence, choosing Science over Religion or vice-versa might not be a wise decision. One has to be very certain of not mixing the two things; logic and faith. They can be easily misinterpreted and erroneously applied in different scenarios. Tweaking intangible entities is an option that is always available to one, till a point one is not altering the implications of theories/sermons by one’s imaginary inventions.

Love - A Sweet Journey

If in life your paths cross with a belle;
 An embodiment of imaginary ideal lover
If she is irresistible and seductive, and
 At the first sight you have fallen for her

If your vision fails to see anyone, but her
 You sketch her body with your eyes, in air
If thoughts of her, front-run all others and
 Eternal bliss is here to stay you swear

If the phone rings, you wish it to be hers
 Oh God! How elated you are when it's hers!
If you smile, talk and blush when alone
 And think of this state as perfectly normal

If rains have become romantic this season
 Breeze caress your lock of hair with affection
If you start caring for her more than your life
 And her happiness is the only relevant criterion

If her hug relieves you of all trauma, pain
 And her smile brings a smile on your face
If you wish to color her heart and soul as

 She colored yours with every ecstatic shade

If you envision her as your alter ego
 And dream of having children with her
If idea of love-making is dominated by
 Purity of intent and not lustful desire

If none of these phenomena are short-lived
 And all gain strength with each passing day
Then my friend, you must know one thing

  You are in love with your beautiful belle.

If now, tomorrow she comes close to you 

 Holds your hands, looks deep into your eyes
Says you that you are not the one she loves
 You, I know, will be shocked and paralyzed

In that state of shock you will have two options
 Let your girl go or fight for her possession
Choose the tougher one my friend, stick to memories
 As sticking to her is not a sustainable solution.

Love is a journey, make it memorable.

Is Illumination an Illusion?

In the darkest of the jungles, I found myself

Caught unaware, like a butcher's turkey.

Scathing darkness, hostile companionship

Everything seemed to play a havoc on me.

Unafraid, I trudged along, with an unflinching belief

Of finding a route, and out of this obnoxious scheming.

Antagonized as I hit dead ends, thought of nothing but

Of starting all over again, not withstanding any suffering.

Contours I trod on, met unfavorable ends incessantly

My immortal faith was being conquered by disillusion.

Futility of the efforts, stood naked and stared in my face

Success I thought, was a figment of my imagination.

Drained I was! Submission to fate - an only option left

When suddenly, shimmer at a distance caught my eye.

Rejuvenated I felt, I pounced enthusiastically towards it.

I shrieked, "Ah! It was an illusion", I saw the light die.

I wish I was a baby!

Our minds were malleable and empty as babies. There were no ethics, principles, ego, responsibilities, concern for reputation, philosophies that we were forced to live with. We were naked. Naked in thought. It was probably the naivest definition of freedom known to us.

As babies we followed our id - our basic desires. We peed wherever we liked. We laughed, we cried at our own whim. We never scrutinized our actions under the lens of ethics or morality. We never worried about any impairment of our reputation if we cried/ peed incessantly. We were not punished for sleeping late and for being disobedient. People loved us and kissed us for being naughty. We had no responsibilities, but we were the bosses. We were the most privileged member of our family. We never perplexed ourselves with abstract questions about nature and God. At best, we were just interested in knowing how far the stars and Moon are and who lives there. Back then, money had no significance, struggle for money was stupid. Studying was difficult, it seemed like an inconsequential activity we engaged ourselves in, killing our play time and TV time. Academic degrees were waste. Sports was the way to go. All were friends, no enemies.

We grew older. We reached high school. We were naked before. It was somehow shameful to be naked at this age. We clothed ourselves with some amounts of ethics, principles. We started talking in terms of ethical and unethical. Ethical was good, unethical was bad. Gods were ethical, demons were unethical. Politicians were ethical, criminals were unethical. We wanted to be ethical. We also developed principles. Family, friends and schools were among our limited sources. We must be punctual. We must respect elders. We must be disciplined. We must be kind and humble. All these principles had a great fan following. Undoubtedly, we wanted to be principled. This stage provided us a skeleton for distinguishing between entities and activities in future. We were being prepared for the future.

Slowly and steadily time ticked by. We crossed stages after stages. One day we found ourselves to be adults.  Adult life is a challenge. We find ourselves clothed with responsibilities, concerns and philosophies. We have families to look after. Companies to take care of. Stress levels have risen. Parties have become infrequent. Solitude is what one starts craving for. Life has become more demanding. It seems to be a cyclical loop till you take a retirement. We have started pondering on the basic meaning of life more than ever before. We more often than not think about the futility of our actions. We let out a sigh,"I wish I could be a child again!"

But we must understand that life is not just about our desires. It is not as simple as an individual's desire. On a Venn diagram if you plot more than 7 billion sets than the intersection is what one must aim at. Well, primary question that comes to the mind is whether intersection actually exists? Life is about survival and progress at the same time. Survival is impossible without innovation. So is progress. I wish to lead a happy life but so does the entire mankind. In such a case, rules and regulations are very essential. Fair distribution of opportunities and rewards is essential. A framework is required to which we must adhere to with a goal of maximizing our own happiness. This framework has to be firmly rooted in ethics, principles, ego, responsibilities, concern for reputation and philosophies. They form the cornerstones of such a framework.

Adults have the necessary knowledge and discipline to drive human progress. They have the responsibility of the entire mankind. They are the torch-bearers. What you give today is what your posterity will receive tomorrow! We are here because someone in the past did it for us. You were not expected to turn into a crybaby when your turn comes to deliver. At best, we can term that desire to be just a wishful thinking.

Few important tenets

 LIVE LIFE, STOP EXISTING

Unexpected events will happen, try to reduce your vulnerability.

Love family, don't neglect it.

Stay healthy, mentally and physically.

Treasure best friends, they are hard to come by.

  
 Have aims, have ambitions. Eat, drink and sleep with them.

Stay away from regrets.

Don't dare to lose ever in life: trust.

Read. Read about you and me of past to appreciate present and anticipate future,

Becoming productive is one of the best ways of becoming charitable.

Play a sport.

Have a wish list and a bucket list and strive to complete it.

  

DEATH ENDS THIS LIFE, NO IFS AND NO BUTS

Theory of Alternative Paths and Hard-work

In Physics, work done in moving an object from State 1 to State 2 is equivalent to the energy spent in the process. It is represented by W. Mathematically; work done is the integral of dot product between force vector and displacement vector along the path from State 1 to State 2. This is a path independent function in conservative field. In a non-conservative field, work done in moving an object from State 1 to State 2 is a path-dependent function.


Every state is defined by a certain number of parameters. We can assign fixed values to parameters and allow a tolerance level for each parameter. Hence, a State 1 will be generated. We select all individuals that approximately fit into it. We repeat the procedure for another state and name it as State 2. We select individuals that fit into this State 2. For this article’s purpose we assume that State 2 is generally perceived to be better than State 1 and everyone works in order to travel from State 1 to State 2.


If an individual’s course of life (biography/autobiography) is considered as a representative path we will have cluster of paths converging at and diverging from various states. Now we trace those paths that selected individuals take in their displacement from State 1 to State 2. Some will be short and smooth. Others will be long and spiked.


I make an assumption here. I assume that with time, humans realize the differences in probability of each path; probability of ending up at State 2. They identify and accept paths that, if followed, have very high probability to reach State 2 and discard numerous others. This leads me to an assumption of normal/Gaussian distribution of paths.

Now although there are accepted paths of transition between these 2 states, not all can afford to walk on them. Various hindrances come in the selection of an ideal path.

·   It is impractical to hope to take correct decision at every point.

·   Some tragedies may force an individual to alter one’s course substantially.

·   Plain luck (Probability in a sophisticated language)

·   Criterion requirement

·   Mindset/ Thought process

·   Management of other parameters in life

·   Many others can be added

Let’s talk about the qualitative aspect of hard work in life. It’s importance in life, inclusive role in luck/ favorable probability. 

I'm a great believer in luck and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it. 

- Thomas Jefferson

If the power to do hard work is not a skill, it's the best possible substitute for it. 

– James Garfield

There is no substitute for hard work. 

– Thomas Alva Edison

The question is whether all the people who travel from State 1 to State 2 work equally hard? Or is it a function of path chosen? Well, answer to that I might not know. But, one thing I think is at any point making a correction in your path is possible. It will come at a higher cost as you get farther from your desired state. But, if you drift along, shake-off your inertia and get back to work. Have clear aims and ambitions. Your environment might not be supportive but play along, don’t quit. There is a high probability you will find a way to make it to end. Because there always were, are and will always be outliers. But, it took a great deal for each one of them to be an OUTLIER.

What next?

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Life, Maths and Destiny

Life can be a well-defined function for each individual. It must be of the form

L_i = f (p₁, p_2, p₃, p₄, ………. p_n) where;

‘n’ is the total number of parameters that an individual needs to take care of

‘i’ denotes a specific individual.

The quality of life an individual lives has a direct correlation with the value of the function he attains. These parameters comprise of everything that one comes across in life. Time, money, family, friends, love, health, area, clothing, hygiene, heartbeat and many more qualify to be parameters. If I start listing these parameters I might very well grow old and pass away without even nearing the ‘n’_th parameter.

If listing these parameters is so cumbersome; juggling them to maximize the value of the function would be practically impossible. Because of human incapability to handle so many parameters efficiently what happens is a pattern of success and failures, i.e. a pattern of crests and troughs in the n-dimensional graph of L_i. What we humans find impractical and cruel is to accept our mistakes regularly and find flaws in our own strategies. It is convenient to indulge in a blame game with destiny. Also, it is a psychologically proven fact that we tend to remember winners and forget errors. This creates a false positive impression of one’s own self. We find it hard to shrug it off either.

When one is successful one hardly cares for actions and probably never reflects back. But in times of setbacks and depressions, blaming destiny is a wonderful art of consoling oneself, at least it helps one navigate through time, like anesthesia does for a patient undergoing a surgical activity. It would be a lot better if one sat back and analyzed where he messed up in the equation and why the gradient of life suddenly nose-dived. That would really be a helpful exercise and one with an extremely high amount of learning. One factor an analyst will have to keep in his mind is that he is not always right. He needs to view the events from a 3^rd person perspective.

The best a person at any point of time can do is prioritizing the parameters he can practically take care of and parameters that have significant impact on the value of the function. He must then adjust them so that he can get the maximum gradient of L_i. Proceeding in that direction might be the best decision he can make in that given point of space and time. But the problem is that this kind of plain vanilla calculation might just guide him to local maximum of L_i. Like many of us are guided in youth towards alcohol, smoke, substance abuse and so on. They give a temporary high. Long term effects are not appealing though. If a person has a better understanding of road blocks in life, he understands he is aiming at the global maximum. (Imagine a multi-dimensional graph with multiple crests and troughs). He will have to adjust the parameters accordingly. I understand it is tough. But they say one learns from experience. Yes, one does. At least, he would not accuse destiny for every misfortune that shows up.

We can also give a shot at many qualitative questions mathematically. Why with increasing wealth happiness does not increase in the same proportion? Are we happier than our forefathers? What is more important; Health or Wealth? Why is time management important? For answers, just plug in these parameters; find respective gradients and values of the function. It might be so that relationship of L_i and wealth is logarithmic in nature. Similarly, there may be cross-overs for different ranges of wealth and health.

What I intend to convey is that blaming destiny is not a solution. It is a recurring process like a disease that is not diagnosed and treated properly. It will spring up any time. Many times we screw up in life because of our inefficiency in handling and optimizing various parameters when they can be controlled. But we are irresponsible to take care of them. We are negligent and pay the price of our negligence. If we become sensible enough and understand what parameters impact our lives the most, we can position ourselves for a higher quality of living rather than a highly volatile and undeserved one.

I believe, one shapes oneself and one's life.

In 2010

01/01: Celebrated New Year with Abhishek and Mahendra

01/14: 1st 100 ticks, last in the group

01/19: 1st net profit score after transaction cost adjustment

02/05 – 02/07: Navdeep Mama's marriage ceremony

03/12: US Retail Sales (Q: Short, short, short? A: No. Long, long, long)

03/27 – 03/28: Hrishikesh Trip with colleagues, amazing trip though the driver was a sucker

05/06: Flash Crash, People were saving their asses and I made a fortune

05/15: Rajasthan trip with Anti

05/28 – 05/31: Gurgaon – Bhopal (Abhishek’s wedding) – Indore (Kartavya’s place) – Mumbai (Home) - Gurgaon

06/05 – 06/14: Hong Kong trip (IFC, LKF, Peak and more to it)

06/14 – 06/26: Kolkata trip

06/29: Scratcher’s party, last in Gurgaon @ Barbeque Nation

06/30: Transfer, Gurgaon - Jaipur

07/01: 1st day in Jaipur office

07/13: My birthday, first of its kinds till date and I hope, the last too

07/14: Biggest loss incurred, first time had a discussion for stop loss limits

08/13: Tarun’s birthday bash

08/16: Missed my Mumbai – Jaipur flight, started Atlas Shrugged finally

09/07: Highest profit

10/29: Last day at Futures First Info. Services Pvt. Ltd..

11/01: Met Gurpreet Sir, Vanshika and Baijal Sir. It was good.

11/04: Jaipur – Mumbai. Hmm.

11/ 25 – 11/28: Marriage ceremony of Sonu Masi

12/23: Met Dhole

Alien and I

Has it not become increasingly common to compare actions of a Human to a machine and vice-versa? 'Lives of Humans are becoming mechanical with every passing moment', is a statement that has become rhetoric. 'Urban life is responsible for robbing people of their charming and vibrant nature', has become a cliché.

Progress in artificial intelligence is happening at a neck-breaking speed. Human is investing His efforts and brains in automating and speeding up His lifestyle. Robots are summoned for duties that span the entire spectrum; from cleaning of a house to solving a multi-variable 'p'th degree, 'n'th order partial differential equation. To get a rough estimate, in the time You finish reading this article a leading motor-bike company would have assembled at least a double digit motor-bikes, a cigarette producing company would have rolled thousands of cigarettes and a trading algorithm would have generated millions for its Owner.

Undoubtedly, Human progress in the materialistic realm has been phenomenal. Human has defied convention; He has proven conventional wisdom fallible. Human has defied boundaries; He has gone that extra mile. Humans have hailed Scientists for achieving supernatural feats and damned the same Ones for being resistant to intellectual developments. He has been extremely ruthless and mediocrity has been unacceptable to Him. He is relentless, even today.

I have complete faith in one thought, ‘Nothing comes for free, if it does, it’s worthless.’ When Human did set himself standards as great as those He had to pay a price to emulate them. His mechanical lifestyle is a direct outcome of the kind of balance He showed in his professional and personal quests. Valuation of materialistic success probably outweighed emotional satisfaction, which in itself is very difficult to fathom as there has been no reliable quantification of emotions.

After pondering over it all this while I am remembered of my childhood days. Aliens, UFOs, Extra-Terrestrials and high end technology. Aliens must be like You and Me, but technologically advanced. Aliens must be advanced Humans Who have managed to find life or developed one outside Our planet Earth with exceptional technological development and innovation. They have Their civilization based there. Most of Them are portrayed emotionally subnormal and lead mechanical lives in our fiction series. It may be just that They felt nostalgic (a rare kick that makes Them emotional about Their past) or had technology and money (conceptual: medium of exchange) to splurge on an inter-planetary/ galaxy travel that They came around and We happened to spot Them. Big deal, do We not get nostalgic and visit ancient caves?

Emotional interpretation of music

Today, while listening to 'Fade to Black - Metallica' I thought about one of my favourite topics. 'Emotional interpretation of music'. According to me, a song has two parts, to both of which I attach significant importance without any priorities: music and lyrics. 


When I hear a song devoid of its lyrical content, I can feel multiple and contradicting emotions depending on my imagination and visualization. By that I mean, I can interpret an extremely depressing song as one of a very inspirational quality, if it is without lyrics. The point that I am trying to drive home is that lyrics help in selection of 1 or few emotions that an artist wants to convey in the song from an ocean of emotions that a person could otherwise feel.


'Fade to Black - Metallica' is an extremely sad song. When I was hearing it today, I ripped apart it's lyrics in my mind and concentrated on music alone. I thought of musical notes as blows delivered by a person to his pain and sorrow, as his will to fightback against all adversaries. With each advancing note I could imagine him reaching closer to his goal. When the music ended, he emerged victorious. But, then I recited the lyrics and they were screaming of a disillusioned person with shattered self-confidence. 


Hence, I manipulated it's lyrics and made them sound real positive and symbolize a determined person. Here is a beta version of the same.

Life, I say, will shine from today
Brighter, brighter every day
Getting lost within my work
Nothing matters, no one else

I have found my will to live
Now have everything to give
There is so much in it for me
I accept, it won't come for free

Things not what they used to be
Loving one inside of me
Deathly loss, and that is real
Will stand the hell I'll feel

Confidence, bubbling in me
To the point of ecstacy
Fading darkness, fading dawn
I wasn't me, now am my own

No one but I will save myself, it's not too late
Now I can think, think how will I put up a fight

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Tomorrow greets me warm, now I will just say 

"Come over guys."

Link to original lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/metallica/fade+to+black_20092126.html

I think, with same music and above mentioned lyrics if a song comes into existence, it'll be an inspiring one. It leads me to a question. Is music non-absolute?

Hi Sis.

Hi Sister,

            I avoid expression. Expression of thoughts, expression of feelings at interpersonal level. Probably, I dislike it or feel awkward, am unaware of the reason. But you should know, the feelings I harbour for you in my heart.

            I am lucky to have you. You have played an excellent catalytic role in my life. You stand silently at every step while I climb, just to make sure that I don’t fall. You never reflect in your behaviour, but I strongly believe that you yearn for my success, my well-being as much as I do.

            Over the years I have changed, changed a great deal. You have seen so many phases that I have been through. You have been supportive at each step. Although you do not agree with my decision at times, you respect it as it is my freewill. You think like me when it is difficult to justify myself to people around me.

I personally am very selective in deciding my confidant(e). You have naturally become one among the very few I have. It is hard to hide things from you. It helps a lot to have someone whom you can confide in. It keeps me away from the trauma and frustration or hysterical attacks.

Note that all the way I have loved you for some selfish reason. Go back and reason it out yourself if it skipped your attention. I see nothing wrong in it. Had you been bad to me what was the point in loving you? But...

            Your smile is blissful. Your voice is sweet, you are comforting. You are beautiful, playful. Kindness and generosity are your forte. Boundless patience, unmatched maturity and innocence all tip me off. I lose control and all I can do is fall in love with you.

            Although words are struggling to do justice with my feelings, I just thought you should know this. Thank you. Thank you for everything.

With love,

Vishal.